You Might Be A Gamer If...

Last night a bunch of us on Twitter tried(and are still trying) to get the trend #youmightbeagamerif to become top trend.  A lot of them were pretty clever.  So I thought I'd share some of my favorites.

You might be a gamer if...

-you start trying to curb stomp people to get loot out of them
-the only parties you get invited to are on XBL!
-The Idea of paying over $200 to see your favorite band is absurd.  But that $250 collectors edition game is a great deal.
-you call coca cola, nuka cola
-you show up at midnight launches even though you preordered the game
-necromorphs are spawning from the dirty dishes in your sink
-your ringtones are all game soundtracks.
-you have played the same level 30 times in a row, so you can get that all important platinum trophy
-all your facebook status updates are your trophy/achievements acquired that day.
-you make alternate accounts based in other countries to get regional exclusives etc.
-you will stand in line for hours for a release but can't run down the street without having to catch your breath
-your first instinct is to melee when someone scares you.
-your k/d ratio is your rebuttal when someone is bragging about their car or income.
-you have a collection of snack wrappers in a perfect circle around you.
-you find yourself saying "ok this is my last map" for three + hours
-you buy the dlc to games you can't stand just because you HAVE to.
-you say "AutoBots Role Out" while your at the mall with your friends.
-you blame all your problems on lag.
-you refer to your friends by their gamer tag even though you know their real name.
-you have ever gone into withdrawal after not having played games/a game in days.
-you try to mute people who are annoying you in real life
-you keep a yellow gumball in your pocket in case of ghost emergencies.
-you know the conversion from microsoft points into dollars.
-someone offers you cake & you have an overwhelming need to say "the cake is a lie."
-your bargaining chips are "but I'm really close to the save point."
-you reference your mad Tetris skills when packing.
-when accomplishing something you say "bleep bloop" and pretend an "achievement earned" popped up.
-noob, pawn'd, K/D ratio, and owned, are everyday common words to you.
-when someone points out that you're wearing the same clothes yesterday you take that as a point of pride!
-when you walk into work instead of co-workers asking what you did last night, they ask you what game did you play.
-you know who LEROY JENKINS is!
-you revolve your sleep schedule around WOW raids.
-you wish at times you could throw a banana out the window to make the car behind you spin out.
-spending 40 hours in WOW sounds like a weekend come true.
-you might be a gamer if you still have 3 unopened games on your shelves cause you haven't beaten the last 5 you bought.
-the term teabagging makes you think of Call of Duty
-instead of oil companies being the evil corporations, in your opinion it's Activision.

If you got some good ones feel free to share!  Also you should follow these awesome peeps on twitter who helped contribute and start this trend!

@FxyMxy - Rachael Kirtley
@SuckMySpork - Jessy Lynn
@Leveluptime - Steve Papoutsis
And of course you should be following me...
@miniSCHOF

Cool Visuals, Beautiful Women, What Could Go Wrong?

Note:  Nothing is spoiled past the first 30 min of the movie.

    “Sucker Punch” is an over-the-top stylized action film following five beautiful broken girls with a need to break free.  The film opens with a stage, a theme that re-occurs through-out the entire film; showing the lead in the Sucker Punch Squad girls Baby Doll (Emily Browning) sobbing on her bed as her mother passes away in the other room.  Shortly after the funeral the evil step-father rips open the mother’s will only to find that everything is left to Baby Doll and her younger sister.  Baby Doll fearing for her sisters life gets a gun and shoots it at her stepfather, only to miss him and accidentally killing her sister.  Seeing an opportunity with the younger one dead he has Baby Doll committed, and bribes an orderly known as Blue (Oscar Isaac) to forge a signature to have Baby Doll lobotomized.

     The film takes place in three different settings, the first being the reality, a dark, rundown insane asylum.  The second being a high class orphanage burlesque house.  The third (the only part you really see in the trailers) is the dream world inside Baby Dolls mind.  Apart from the first 10 minutes and last 5 minutes, its the last 2 settings that you see for the remainder of the film.

     Here Baby Doll meets her entourage of beaten down bad-ass girls, Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens), Amber (Jamie Chung), Rocket (Jena Malone), and Rocket’s older sister Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish).  When Blue forces Baby Doll to dance so she can have the perfect routine for when the “High Roller” comes for her in 5 days, she dives into the dream world in her mind where she discovers her mentor (Scott Glenn).  He informs her that to escape this place she will need five things; a map, fire, a knife, a key and the last is a mystery.  After an unnecessary boss battle against 15 foot tall samurai warriors, Baby Doll comes back to discover everyone is in awe of her dance.  Nobody could take their eyes off Baby Doll; which is where she discovers how to get the things she needs to escape.  She will dance while her Sucker Punch Squad does the dirty work.  Every time she dances the film jumps to the dream world in Baby Doll’s mind.  Where Sucker Punch Squad have lots of guns, awesome acrobatics, and the ability to take on hordes of enemies unscathed.

     Walking out of the movie all I could think about was if Baby Doll’s dance was so hypnotic and moving, why wasn’t it ever shown?  It just made me more interested in wanting to see what she did that made everyone in the room stop and and do nothing but watch, rather than see the pretty special effects.  You can argue that if they showed the dance it would have taken you out of the dream sequence.  But I think with the right editing, cutting to her dance could have made for some very, very cool scenes in the movie.  

     “Sucker Punch” takes on a lot of its influence from Video Games, “The Matrix” movies and music videos.  Which when you look at the movies target demographic (males ages 13-30), it’s a two hour wet dream.  Don’t get me wrong the film is visually bewitching.  But without a good story to back it up it the movie crashes.  This is the weak link in chain of this movie.  It’s story bland, predictable, and full of holes.  From the first visit to Baby Doll’s world to last I never felt like it was amounting to anything, it didn’t fell like it was getting closer to a climax.  The ending where the three different realities come together and forge the story was executed pretty poorly.  Poorly enough that it confused the group I went with, and I struggled trying to explain it to them. 

     The soundtrack to this movie is it’s strongest appendage.  Covers and remixes of famous songs, make this movie feel like the best musical you seen since Pink Floyd’s “The Wall.”  The visuals paired with this heavy, industrial rock versions of these songs blend so well, that the majority of what people will remember the most of this movie is the music.  One scene in particular is on a train where the Sucker Punch Squad gets the knife, the cover of “Tomorrow Never Knows” originally by The Beatles plays. 

     Beautiful girls, mesmerizing visuals, and an amazing soundtrack unfortunately weren’t enough to save this movie.  Don’t get me wrong it’s a fun movie, but is it worth the pricy ticket cost to see this movie?  See it at matinee if you have the choice.  With the bland story line it’s hard to not be bored outside of the dream sequences.  I look forward to Zach Snyder’s cut of this film later in the year on Blu-Ray.  In hopes that it will bring life to this flatlined story.  

RATING:  2 1/2 Stars out of 5

Greetings and welcome!

     Hello and welcome to my website (...well, blog for now)!  It is this that I am using as a medium to express my thoughts and opinions of the entertainment media, but mostly for Video Games.  But first I believe I shall introduce myself.
     My name is Jason Schofield, I was born and raised in a small suburb of Salt Lake City, UT.  From day one, I knew I would never be accepted in those traditional worlds of business, politics and athletics.  No, I was far better suited for the "healthy" lifestyle of a professional video gamer, with a gaming resume that goes from A (for Atari 2600) to X (for Xbox 360). Across these generations, I became a force to be reckoned with by many so-called “gamers” and “geeks” alike.  People who were privileged to be graced by his presence knew this nerd was going places. So voracious was my appetite to suckle at the teat of video gaming, I took a job working for the evil Gamestop Corp. Soaking up the knowledge of all the deodorant-averse gamers who walked into this "chapel," my powers reached near critical mass. I was the Superman of Super Nintendo. The Xavier of XBox. The Magneto of "Hey, this Playstation is neat-o!" But Gamestop could only take me so far. It became clear I would have to move out into the world solo if he was to bring about its destruction by his own hands. One moment I was working the register, the next I was gone. Like a fart in the wind.
     No one knows for sure what became of myself after I left Gamestop.  I became an entity of rumor. Stories.  Old wive's tales.  Whispers in the shadows.  My name strikes fear in the hearts of weak-thumbed gamers everywhere.  If you’re online playing a casual game of Halo or Modern Warfare and you get melee’d from what seems like a ghost in the shadows (followed by a quick tea-bagging) you might have just got PAWN’D by...  ...miniSCHOF